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Yesterday I went to Brooklyn Zen Center to hear Grace Schireson (Mel Weitzman's student--he gave her Transmission some years ago, and she serves I think three CA sanghas) give a dharma talk, drawing largely from her book Zen Women. The Zen center, between 3rd and 4th Avenues in Brooklyn's Gowanus section--between Park Slope and Carroll Gardens--is beautiful--open, light, spacious. I was moved to see this place made for the care and nurturing of the Dharma. Grace's talk was intelligent, thoughtful, the Q & A which followed was more of each, much more--I loved hearing her on her feet, drawing spontaneously from the decades of experience and study and zazen, zazen, zazen. I would like to be just like Grace when I grow up, if I ever do. At 63 I have my doubts. Still, it's nice to have her for a model.

During her talk, I asked about her use of the word "transcend." I set up the question by trying to explain my own historical relationship to the word, and when I paused she said, "Would you like mt to tell you what I meant by that word?" Of course I said yes, but I felt pretty dumb. Really, all I had to do in the first place was says, "Can you tell me what you mean by the word 'transcend'?" There I was with my ego hanging out. I've been batting all that around since yesterday morning, especially the hanging out with my ego part.

Some years ago, I came across something I remembered this evening from one of Pema Chodron's books. She'd been giving the basic teachings of meditation, including the instruction to note one's thinking and bring the attention back to the breath without making oneself wrong for thinking. After her talk, a guy came up to speak to her. He introduced himself. I think he said he was a truck driver. He'd been practicing meditation for a while, and when he noted that his attention had wandered off to his thoughts, he told her he'd he'd say to himself, "Thinking, Good Buddy." Nice, right?

At about the same time I remember reading in one of Natalie Goldberg's books that she and a friend were having a lousy day, so they decided to sit. After their zazen, they seemed disappointed not to feel better. That was sort of a surprise. It never occured to me to sit in order to feel better. Clinging and aversion. The teaching is, it's no biggie. You don't like it? Don't worry it'll change. You like it? Don't worry, it'll change. There's no holding on because there's nothing permanent onto which we can hold. Grace had a funny expression--an acronym for a phrase something like "Wishing it were otherwise." WIWO. Tonight I am thinking that charity begins at home. Chodron also talks about how programs in self-improvement are a kind of assault. Start where you are. And then stay there. A different take on the expression, There's no there there. Oh yes there is. There it goes.